Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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