I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and she was petting her beer can
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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