I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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