Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
