I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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