great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
