fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
