you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize