I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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