just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
