before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
