I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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