man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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