Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
