If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
