I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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