??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
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