Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
