i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
