sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
