im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize