Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
