call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
