literally had 100 drinks last night.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
