You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
