professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
