so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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