Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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