actually, I'm a sock model
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
