I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize