Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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