i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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