I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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