Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
