You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
