I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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