I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you didnt know i had herpes?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
