One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
