Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
