I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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