Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
