yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
