You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
