i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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