You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
