we made out on top of his cat.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This baby is an asshole
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize