You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
