My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
