what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize