nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
