Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
