I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
