I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Found the puke drawer
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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