i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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