I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
