it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
