Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
