SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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