The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize