I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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