you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
