the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
