Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
