weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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