Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
