dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
