Yo dont text me then not text me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
