When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
