So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
