I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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